WWAWD Skip The Dishes retards knocking on your door?

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

TheGhostOfAbeVigoda

Gregory Pecker
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I specifically said "leave it at the back door". So do that. Motherfucker goes to the front door, which is a pain in the ass to get to right now, starts banging on the door, riling my dog up. Then the dumbass calls my phone. I ignore it. On the app, the name comes up as "Amy" and when I walk around in the snow to the front of the house, there is an old Serbian retard standing on my porch. He starts giving me shit about "Abe? You Abe? Why you no answer your phone? I stand here for 5 minutes. Is cold. I call you." all fucking pissy.

So I says to the guy, I says "Listen here, Amy. I'm not gonna take shit on my own fucking porch because you don't know how this zero contact delivery shit works. The whole reason I used this app was so I didn't have to deal with anybody. I could just open my door and grab my food. And here you are pounding on the wrong door and calling me??"

He just stared at me and looked like he was considering taking a swing at me. He extended the bag towards me and I snatched it out of his hand really fast like an asshole and just turned and walked away.

I don't give a fuck that it just snowed for 24 hours straight and I'm a little out of the way, you're not getting an additional tip you old girl-named faggot. Especially when you don't follow instructions and just generally fuck up the whole shit. You get the $3.25 from the app. I still can't bring myself to give him a bad review. That feels like snitch shit. Amy's a stupid foreign piece of shit, but I don't want to get him in trouble with his side hustle.

WWAW dat?
 
Lamont & Tonelli

Lamont & Tonelli

Brevity is... wit.
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75

How was the food?
 
DMAN

DMAN

NYC Mayor
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Good point, Abe. On board with this one. You can leave clear detailed instructions and the fuckers won't pay attention.

Even worse is you can see them on the map, going the entire wrong way, or just SITTING THERE in front of a house, where you KNOW there aren't any red stoplights. GET GOING, DUMBFUCK!!! We can't all sit in our cars waiting for "DING! New ride added to queue!!" while totally ignoring any sense of urgency.

Every minute, your fried food loses its crunch luster, and by the time you get it... Cold, soft, pointless SHIT. You could have walked over, and gotten a more satisfying meal.

The DMAN once had this fat pig bitch calling him nearly in tears because she "couldn't find" The DESTATE. Could almost hear her chewing The DFOOD. Hope you liked Italian, fat cunt. Reported her immediately just for calling, crying in her fat middle aged woman voice, it's obvious she wanted free dinner from that spot and it worked out in her favor. Hope she got fired. The Indian who called The DPHONE from the Help Line was very understanding and promised to ruin her side hustle.

Once many years ago, before a routine Uber to work, this driver held The DMAN up for like 15 minutes before pickup. Sitting in a drive thru. When he arrived he muttered something about going to get himself a coffee. All The DMAN could think about was egg whites and almonds. The DMAN normally doesn't confront drivers for being late or stupid, but The DMAN gave this idiot the business. How about, go get your fucking coffee on your own fucking time? You made The DMAN wait so you could go do something that you could do during any other 20 minute period in your day? Of course, The DMAN waited until the trip was 75% over before doing all this. Reported him too. He didn't even have the decency to get The DMAN a coffee. You don't mention that you went and did that for yourself, unless you got the person you inconvenienced a coffee too. The DMAN just sat there like "Oh yeah? Ya got yourself a coffee did ya? Glad it all worked out for YOU, while The DMAN is now over 20 minutes fucking late to work. What does that do for The DMAN? Other than prevent him from getting another driver who gets their own fucking breakfast and shows up on time.

And then of course there are the chatty pieces of shit who won't SHUT THE FUCK UP and must ask personal questions. The DMAN doesn't mind a quick "hello" and maybe a short, sweet convo if she's a young lass or even an old brawd, but the older boomer men just pry into your personal life and try to BANTER with you at 6 AM. There was one guy where The DMAN literally had to say "Hey listen, chill out with the personal questions. I'm not trying to conduct a job interview to become an Uber driver... Leave me alone." He got ultra pissy about it, but he was totally in the wrong. He was asking shit like "Got any siblings? How do you like working at [x]?" Like what the fuck is the purpose of you asking that? The DMAN will never see you again (and never did.)

Then this other douchebag recently made some comment about how The DMAN "didn't look happy to go to work." Hey dumb shit, it's 6 AM on a Thursday. Have no idea if we're about to walk into a normal day or into a meltdown. Then when The DMAN just looked at his dumbass he goes "I'm just teasing you!" OH! Great, because that's why The DMAN orders an Uber or a Lyft... So that he can be TEASED. He uses ride sharing apps for the TEASING bants that these quick-witted drivers hit you with... Don't even think The DMAN even replied back. These days he has no patience to exert energy on these faggots.

It should be illegal for Uber and Lyft to promise you a driver in 3 minutes and then make you wait 8 minutes. Do you understand the difference between 3 minutes and 8 minutes, in NYC, at that hour?

Bring on the era of the self-driving rideshare apps. The DMAN will happily risk vehicular mortality if the alternative is to interact with fat ugly prying nosey boomers. And punt.
 
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