Tomlinson’s Deli - coming soon August 2024

[Ha Ha Ha Holeee Shit!]

The Nibbler; fried whole Iguana on a stick.

 

[Boq the Lonely Faggot]

The appetizer section should be titled JAX SNAX.

No french fries. Pringles only.

Desserts should feature a Jon Frimin chocolate fudge volcano cake like from the Rainforest Cafe, but when the kitchen staff brings it to the table they all yell "Virrrrginnnn!"

There should be a Shane-themed Francine Frontbutt's Mountain Dew Marg. Which actually sounds mediocre.

Kathleen Kludy's bone-in rib eye. If you eat the bone it's free and you get a Frump Dumps tee shirt.

Take the labels off all the Hellman's mayo and write Hildeman's on them. That'd be silly.


The men's room has a sign with Brinton with a penis for a nose, and the lady's room has the drawing of Betsy laying on a couch with her udders hanging out.

 

[Josef Kuminski]

Meatloaf Monday - spam with a side of pretzels with mustard

Tamale Tuesday- all you can eat!

Wellington Wednesday- eat an entire Wellington without throwing up or sending it back and get it free.

Triple shot Thursday- 3 shots of some kind overpriced gimmick liquor that was aged in barrels at sea for $9.99 also Beers N Brats for 14.99

Pepperoni Pizza Friday- made from the finest locally sourced Pepperoni from the Oakland Ave Pepperoni Co.

Hot Sauce Saturday- drown all the goyslop you order with house made, locally grown hot sauce.

 

[Boq the Lonely Faggot]

Torqued Pork - it's just a burned porkchop with breakfast corn.

 

[kingship75]

At Tomlinson’s, your appetite will be fully satisfied. Just like Quasi.

 

[Treat Yourself]

At Tomlinson’s, your appetite will be fully satisfied. Just like Quasi.

Your food won't arrive for three years though and only in parts.

 

[midwit]

I'll never not laugh at the burnt beef wellington. It's possibly the most delicious thing the human species has ever invented and he found a way not just to make it look disgusting, but he actually flexed the image as an unironic brag on social media on two different platforms. At 40 years old.

It kills me bc you know he was sorta looking forward to eating it all day but was really looking forward to the dopamine hit from the sweet twitter pic.

Then he fucked it all up, probably drunk and forgot it was in the oven, was invariably crushed but didn't have it in him to let the opportunity pass. I bet he paced back and fourth for 20 minutes debating whether or not to post the pic and finally got drunk enough to say "fuck it."

 

[FFWBTdad]

no daughters allowed

.....unless accompanied by a black boyfriend

 

[chocolatehellhole]

Heffeweimer-a very light, weak beer served in a sippy cup.

I can take care of this.

 

[JoeCumiawearsDIAPERS]

Holy fuck, this is genius. I swear to God, I have no clue how some of you come up with this shit.

The anti-racist Chinese description is so goddamn brilliant. I completely forgot that he actually xeeted out that he ordered Chinese food as a protest against the “racists” saying COVID came from China.

That is almost as unintentionally racist as that one clip where Kelly Osborne says Hispanics clean toilets. Someone needs to find a way to use that against him one of these days.

 

[RealTonySchiavone]

Anyone have the charred Beef Wellington source posts?

 

[Easily_Remembered]

All drinks should be served in a cheap, shitty Star Wars mug.

And the mascot should be Pat, but in prison stripes like the Hamburglar. His catchphrase should be "Heavenly".

And it's like a Dick's Last Resort, where the employees are encouraged to disagree with the customers.

"No child, your meat loaf was not burned. That simply didn't occur. Those are your delusions again".

 

[Udders]

Anyone have the charred Beef Wellington source posts?

 

[RealTonySchiavone]

Did he put it under the fucking broiler or something? Way to ruin Christmas dinner.

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

Can we add a drinks menu?

(Not) Miller Lite
Tap water

 

[Farmer Brown]

Can we add a drinks menu?

(Not) Miller Lite
Tap water

"Cuppa" with extra sugar and extra milk

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

There should be a Shane-themed Francine Frontbutt's Mountain Dew Marg.

Add to the apps list:

Shane’s Butterknife Clams

 

[FamilyDollar]

Can we add a drinks menu?

(Not) Miller Lite
Tap water

The finest Merlot Milwaukee has to offer. Carefully aged in sunlight for a week prior to serving.

 

[BUBBLER]

Twice baked Wellington

 

[Torque’sHeadBump]

You can ask for any dish a la Annabelle which means it’s abandoned on the counter to get ice cold before it’s served to you