The Abe Vigoda Canadian Thanksgiving Spectacular Megathread

[Turk February]

St Catharines has a bad reputation for homelessness and addiction but it's because the homeless and addicts from around the country come here because they know they'll be taken care of

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

St Catharines has a bad reputation for homelessness and addiction but it's because the homeless and addicts from around the country come here because they know they'll be taken care of

My small town is turning into one of those situations. There's one little warming center in town so people just bring their crazy and/or drug addicted relatives here and just set them loose like they're abandoning a dog. "They'll help you here." People have witnessed it. Now there's tents fucking everywhere.

 

[Turk February]

My small town is turning into one of those situations. There's one little warming center in town so people just bring their crazy and/or drug addicted relatives here and just set them loose like they're abandoning a dog. "They'll help you here." People have witnessed it. Now there's tents fucking everywhere.

It's the situation all over Canada. I'm willing to bet the warming centre is a church or a charity. Not the government. They fucking created a housing crisis with red tape and told us to take care of it. It's despicable.

 

[Mustard]

I got word from Porsalin. He's coming out of retirement and making a Turk doc next. Im excited for it

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

It's the situation all over Canada. I'm willing to bet the warming centre is a church or a charity. Not the government. They fucking created a housing crisis with red tape and told us to take care of it. It's despicable.

Yeah it's some sort of religious charity

 

[Turry Fawks]

When she gets there tell her to take her tits out. Because YOU are in charge and that's what the boss gets. Then be like "are you ever scared that a one handed man is going to overpower and rape you on the job, sweet thang?"

One of my first jobs was graveyards at a 711 back when you could work the shift on your own. Assholes would come in at 2 am and ask me if I ever worried about being robbed.

" I wasn't thinking about it until you mentioned it. Thanks. "

I wasn't worried anyways. I would have emptied the tills, taken as much money out of the safe as I could ($50) and loaded a garbage bag with cartons of smokes if somebody wanted it. Who fucking cares?

Great job for an 18 year old. I could get everything done halfway through the shift and then get fucking blazed off my ass, eat taquitos and hotdogs, read magazines and all I had to do was keep up with the coffee and keep the floor clean.

 

[ミスタースパーコル]

When she gets there tell her to take her tits out. Because YOU are in charge and that's what the boss gets. Then be like "are you ever scared that a one handed man is going to overpower and rape you on the job, sweet thang?"

Turk's encounter with the nurse recounted in graphic detail.

 

[Turk February]

One of my first jobs was graveyards at a 711 back when you could work the shift on your own. Assholes would come in at 2 am and ask me if I ever worried about being robbed.

" I wasn't thinking about it until you mentioned it. Thanks. "

I wasn't worried anyways. I would have emptied the tills, taken as much money out of the safe as I could ($50) and loaded a garbage bag with cartons of smokes if somebody wanted it. Who fucking cares?

Great job for an 18 year old. I could get everything done halfway through the shift and then get fucking blazed off my ass, eat taquitos and hotdogs, read magazines and all I had to do was keep up with the coffee and keep the floor clean.

I had the same job at roughly the same age. (Different franchise, I was Little Shortstop). I actually really miss it. Just blaring college radio while sitting on a box reading The Sun tabloid magazine about how aliens control the government.

 

[Turry Fawks]

I had the same job at roughly the same age. (Different franchise, I was Little Shortstop). I actually really miss it. Just blaring college radio while sitting on a box reading The Sun tabloid magazine about how aliens control the government.

I would smoke an 1/8 in a blunt every night and just vibe. The assistant manager would come in and give me Dexedrine and thc pills.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

of my first jobs was graveyards at a 711 back when you could work the shift on your own. Assholes would come in at 2 am and ask me if I ever worried about being robbed.

" I wasn't thinking about it until you mentioned it. Thanks. "

I wasn't worried anyways. I would have emptied the tills, taken as much money out of the safe as I could ($50) and loaded a garbage bag with cartons of smokes if somebody wanted it. Who fucking cares?

Great job for an 18 year old. I could get everything done halfway through the shift and then get fucking blazed off my ass, eat taquitos and hotdogs, read magazines and all I had to do was keep up with the coffee and keep the floor clean.

My first job that wasn't for my family was midnights on weekends at a gas station. I was the worst employee of all time. I'd get high in the tiny office right behind the till. One time some dude kept being like "smells good in here man." And I was just like "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, asshole." If anyone was ever rude to me I'd crumple up their receipt and throw it at them and i did it quite a bit. I was 15. If some kid did that to me I'd throw them through the fucking window.

Several times parties emptied out and packed into this little gas station. People would steal all kinds of shit. I'd steal beef jerky all the time. Eventually I got called in for a meeting with the manager and I was positive that I was getting fired so I never went back.

Oh yeah, another thing. My training was just one shift with some fat fuck who showed me nothing. I literally never knew how to close out the till at the end of my shift so I'd basically just write squiggles down. The cops were also in all the time and never mentioned the weed smell or the fact that I was always visibly stoned.

 

[Turry Fawks]

My first job that wasn't for my family was midnights on weekends at a gas station. I was the worst employee of all time. I'd get high in the tiny office right behind the till. One time some dude kept being like "smells good in here man." And I was just like "I don't know what the fuck you're talking about, asshole."

Several times parties emptied out and packed into this little gas station. People would steal all kinds of shit. I'd steal beef jerky all the time. Eventually I got called in for a meeting with the manager and I was positive that I was getting fired so I never went back.

Oh yeah, another thing. My training was just one shift with some fat fuck who showed me nothing. I literally never knew how to close out the till at the end of my shift so I'd basically just write squiggles down. The cops were also in all the time and never mentioned the weed smell or the fact that I was always visibly stoned.

I was very conscientious about getting everything done but after that all bets were off. I could see two bars from my till so there was constant theft and shit but I wasn't going to start trouble over it. I had a one hour overlap with the manager in the morning and I'm sure she smelled weed on me but the place was always spotless so she left it alone. I was usually too high to close out properly but she'd pick up the slack. PFG.

 

[Turk February]

I would have my girlfriend go to the KFC next door. Ask for a water. Pour it out. And pour a Mickey of Canadian club in it and give it to me. Almost got arrested once cuz some Karen complained. I said I had liver cancer and just found out about it and pleaded for mercy from the cops. They fucked off but still made me close up 30 minutes early. My boss was pissed.

 

[Mustard]

@Turk February's future

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

I was very conscientious about getting everything done but after that all bets were off. I could see two bars from my till so there was constant theft and shit but I wasn't going to start trouble over it. I had a one hour overlap with the manager in the morning and I'm sure she smelled weed on me but the place was always spotless so she left it alone. I was usually too high to close out properly but she'd pick up the slack. PFG.

Oh I got all my shit done too but like you, I could just get it all out of the way quickly and just dick around.

I just remembered I also never learned how to work the lottery machine, so for the one hour of my shift until I could turn it off I had to just make up excuses why I couldn't give them a lottery ticket or check theirs. People would flip the fuck out over that.

"Yeah, we don't do the lotto shit past 11. Sorry."

"I know for a fact it's 12."

"Machine's broken, man."

"I can see it. I can see the fucking thing working."

"I don't know how to work the fucking thing, dick. Nobody showed me."

"Are you fucking kidding me??"

"Tough tits. Go somewhere else."

 

[Turk February]

Oh I got all my shit done too but like you, I could just get it all out of the way quickly and just dick around.

I just remembered I also never learned how to work the lottery machine, so for the one hour of my shift until I could turn it off I had to just make up excuses why I couldn't give them a lottery ticket or check theirs. People would flip the fuck out over that.

"Yeah, we don't do the lotto shit past 11. Sorry."

"I know for a fact it's 12."

"Machine's broken, man."

"I can see it. I can see the fucking thing working."

"I don't know how to work the fucking thing, dick. Nobody showed me."

"Are you fucking kidding me??"

"Tough tits. Go somewhere else."

The olg machine was the fucking simplest piece of equipment in the store next to the broom. What the fuck was wrong with you? Are you a secret Wyyz?

 

[Turry Fawks]

Oh I got all my shit done too but like you, I could just get it all out of the way quickly and just dick around.

I just remembered I also never learned how to work the lottery machine, so for the one hour of my shift until I could turn it off I had to just make up excuses why I couldn't give them a lottery ticket or check theirs. People would flip the fuck out over that.

"Yeah, we don't do the lotto shit past 11. Sorry."

"I know for a fact it's 12."

"Machine's broken, man."

"I can see it. I can see the fucking thing working."

"I don't know how to work the fucking thing, dick. Nobody showed me."

"Are you fucking kidding me??"

"Tough tits. Go somewhere else."

711 actually has a pretty good training program. It's all done on the computer and they emulate the till and the other machines. I got paid for one day of training and it took me a couple of hours.

 

[Turk February]

711 actually has a pretty good training program. It's all done on the computer and they emulate the till and the other machines. I got paid for one day of training and it took me a couple of hours.

I just had to shadow a guy for a week. He'd grab my cock when the boss wasn't looking. Really weird sense of humor.

Edit 1. He was obviously fired eventually.

 

[Turk February]

I actually totally forgot any of that happened until this very moment. He would literally grab my crotch and I'd fucking yell at him to cut that shit out but did nothing about it cuz he was bigger than me and I didn't want to be beaten up.

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

The olg machine was the fucking simplest piece of equipment in the store next to the broom. What the fuck was wrong with you? Are you a secret Wyyz?

Gambling is a sin. I was saving those cretins from their vices.

 

[Turk February]

Gambling is a sin. I was saving those cretins from their vices.

God gambled with the devil on Job. Man is made in God's image. Gambling is a religious duty.