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Tall Tales Tomlinson: Pets Edition

TheDarkFezRises

Asians with southern accents
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11,744
We know his fiction books are terrible derivative shit that he puts zero effort into, but it's shocking that he would be so careless with his mythos building lies.

What would he do if someone in real life ever questioned him on his Tomlinson Tall Tales? Imagine the humiliation a normal person would feel even telling this lie, but it unfathomable to think about being caught out in a lie like this. How would you even react?

I'm heating up just thinking about the douche chills.
 
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8,540
I should of known! We should get the great Billy West to do a Cameo video calling Pat a fat idiot. That would ruin Futurama forever for the piggy, have him say something about Owen A Forums and to stop filing silly lawsuits.

Holy shit, you could get Futurama voice actors to insult Pat in character, then match it up with Futurama footage so it looks like his favorite cartoon pals are shitting on him. He'll never be able to unhear Fry & Bender calling him a daughter abandoning fatso.
 

IGotATreeOnMyHouse85

Stand Alone Fruit
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241,104
Holy shit, you could get Futurama voice actors to insult Pat in character, then match it up with Futurama footage so it looks like his favorite cartoon pals are shitting on him. He'll never be able to unhear Fry & Bender calling him a daughter abandoning fatso.
It would be a great bit, I know someone got a couple Brewers players to shit on him but Pat didn’t know who they were because he’s a fake sports fan.
 

EraGodless

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50,784
Pig talks about his parents the way Pat Cooper talked about his on da show. From his personality and behavior and the way he talks about everything else, it's obvious he had horrible abusive parents. But when he talks about them, he overcompensates with tall tales no one would believe.

My fahdah was a saint. What a sweet and gentle man. He never stunk up the bathroom after taking a shit - I'm telling you, when this man defecated the whole house smelled like rosewater and lemongrass. What a gentle man. He never raised his voice to me, never raised his hands, and when he molested me he did it with a smile.
My dad never hit me. He missed.
 

IGotATreeOnMyHouse85

Stand Alone Fruit
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241,104
Jim Carrey is a real life Canadian faggot but Cable Guy and Me, Myself and Irene are classics.
He really lost it after he gave that girlfriend all those pills and she killed her self. Always thought it was weird he didn’t try to go behind the screens (only way to keep going in Hollywood) I don’t think he’s even tried to direct, write, or produce.
 
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Easily_Remembered

It looks like she don't have an ass crack lmao
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67,986
Maybe one day Annabelle will show up on your porch, Tits, vigorously knocking on your door.

Of course, your obese, cowardly, responsibility shirking middle aged ass would sneak out the back door into Crime Alley, and escape on your ironically named Triumph if that ever happened, you androgynous pile of uncooked dough. You're so fat and devoid of testosterone that you're practically sexless.
 

archive_bot

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5,871
Maybe one day Annabelle will show up on your porch, Tits, vigorously knocking on your door.

Of course, your obese, cowardly, responsibility shirking middle aged ass would sneak out the back door into Crime Alley, and escape on your ironically named Triumph if that ever happened, you androgynous pile of uncooked dough. You're so fat and devoid of testosterone that you're practically sexless.


Honey, I'm a 36 yr old father.

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