Tall Tales Tomlinson: Pets Edition

[stealthygeek]

https://archive.is/amELo


Dutchess didn't run home to look for her master, she went to his gravestone.

Could this dog read, Patrick? Was Dutchess a pallbearer? Could she smell her owner's rotting corpse through the ground? How the fuck would she know where the gravestone was or the significance of it? Fat idiot.

 

[PeteRose]

he kind of reminds me of jim carey in cableguy. the fucking tv raised this deranged fuck. im guessing both his poverty stricken parents spent many a late weeknight at the local bar and had fat on the pay no mind list.

 

[Gay Faggot.]

This is actually a true story. If you take out the dog escaping the pound, returning to her masters grave, and rodeo clown and mama raven finding him there.

 

[Jim Norton’s Wife's Cock]

He could slip in the odd mild lie here and there to make himself seem more interesting to retards on twitter, and could maybe get away with it.

However, he goes for the most ludicrous le wholesome Disney tier lies that absolutely no one in their right mind would believe.

 

[UnPRePared]

he kind of reminds me of jim carey in cableguy. the fucking tv raised this deranged fuck. im guessing both his poverty stricken parents spent many a late weeknight at the local bar and had fat on the pay no mind list.

Not a movie I would ever watch again - but the message of it I never forgot.

Pat is amongst a generation of kids that were either over-coddled to feel important, or left to pop culture to raise them, like Carrey's character in the latter. Mix it with mental illness and you're left with a broken shell.

Mix BOTH kinds of parenting along with mental illness, and you end up with Pat.

 

[Brooke Shields]

So his retard mom saw some retard dog digging up shit in a cemetery and decided to kidnap it to give to her retard son, then told him a retarded story about it that only a retard could believe

 

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

It's not just that the dog found the gravestone, it's that someone from the pound was also at the cemetery to say "that's Dutchess, she escaped from the pound and is sitting by her master's grave" to Mama Raven & Papa Clown who were also conveniently at this cemetery. At which point Mama & Papa decided on the spot to adopt the dog, and luckily the pound employee had brought adoption papers to the cemetery.

Can't ever think through the lies, like maybe Mama & Papa went to the pound and heard Dutchess' amazing story of loyalty to her master and knew she needed a good home. No no no, they adopted her at the fucking gravestone.

 

[Pringle Can Lothario]

Master?

Very troubling language. A dog is better than a colored.

 

[Mikekeke]

Tell Duchess that old cocksucker gave her up for a reason.

 

[TheRevAlJolson]

Holy shit. I was fucking grimacing while reading this. Fat fucking lying ass faggot. Die fat about it you fucking loser.

 

[Patrick S Tomlinson]

Dutchess was a good girl/she/them. I would put peanut butter on my asshole and she would vigorously lick it off.

 

[UnPRePared]

Pig talks about his parents the way Pat Cooper talked about his on da show. From his personality and behavior and the way he talks about everything else, it's obvious he had horrible abusive parents. But when he talks about them, he overcompensates with tall tales no one would believe.

My fahdah was a saint. What a sweet and gentle man. He never stunk up the bathroom after taking a shit - I'm telling you, when this man defecated the whole house smelled like rosewater and lemongrass. What a gentle man. He never raised his voice to me, never raised his hands, and when he molested me he did it with a smile.

"MIND YA BUSINESS, JACKIE!"

 

[SmellenShoehorn]

"and then he really ran away and lived the rest of his life on some farm in the country! True story."

 

[IGotATreeOnMyHouse85]

No wonder his books don’t sell, he can’t even make up a good story. Probably saw a picture online of one of those funerals where the dog lays next to the coffin and crafted this in his stupid head. Your parents were failures if this is how you spend your life, child.

 

[LongIslandchomper]

And then all the rotting corpses in the cemetery clapped.

 

[HotDogJoe]

I bet he got the idea for this tall tale from that Futurama episode

 

[Raymond]

Nice story about devotion, you daughter-abandoning cocksucker.

 

[Jim Norton’s Wife's Cock]

I bet he got the idea for this tall tale from that Futurama episode

I thought that too, or he has heard about Hachikō from somewhere, probably some faggy feel good reddit post or youtube vid with piano music in the background.

 

[Slackjawed Cow]

He makes up these lame lies and gets no interaction. Nobody is impressed or buying your lies Pat.

 

[Cyberatorquer]

He thinks like an 11 y/o child, certainly calls everybody that.

Terrible, infantile lie