Red Delicious are trash apples that were genetically modified for poor people.

[Oogie Farts 1488]

The pig farmers apple of choice

 

[Uncle Anthony Cumia]

The pig farmers apple of choice

Red Delicious= hog feed. That’s the Apple they stuff in the pigs mouth when they roast it on a spit, at least here in Louisiana, lol.

 

[SmellenShoehorn]

The first time he showed up on television was his biggest mistake.

Not only that but I believe his first appearance was as one of the heels on Penn and Teller Bullshit which means they made him look even more ridiculous than just his appearance or voice would imply.

 

[guest]

Apple Pie is one of England's few contributions towards American cuisine, along with roast beef and chowder, and we use Granny Smiths too. The Frogs have a similar dish called Tarte Tatin and guess what kind of apples they use? Yep. When cooked with sugar, GS apples caramelise and keep their crunch. Pat is fat is what I'm driving at.

 

[Mick_Mickerson]

Apple Pie is one of England's few contributions towards American cuisine, along with roast beef and chowder, and we use Granny Smiths too. The Frogs have a similar dish called Tarte Tatin and guess what kind of apples they use? Yep. When cooked with sugar, GS apples caramelise and keep their crunch. Pat is fat is what I'm driving at.

The filling of an apple pie should more closely resemble school cafeteria runny apple sauce. Why are the English, the French, the
Amish and everyone's grandma so bad at this?

 

[Uncle Anthony Cumia]

This Apple Pie is good, unlike German Meatloaf. Another food that I prefer a shitty version of!

 

[Jim-sucks-shit]

He has the palate of a child. Granny Smith apples make for a better pie because they hold up when being baked. Red apples turn to mush and water.

Maddox (from circa-2000 internet fame) had the same manbaby take on apples. No coincidence they are both losers who never grew beyond a small burst of internet fame.

Maddox was legally determined to have been cucked by Dick Masterson. It might be the funniest legal decision in American history.

 

[guest]

Before he even made it people were telling him he was using the wrong apples but of course pig knows best and made it anyways. It must have been a total letdown when they finally cut into it. Knowing the internet was right and Pig was wrong. He never mentioned the pie again.

If it was good and looked good, he definitely would have posted a slice picture. Same with the Wellington.

 

[WhereTheFuckIsMyEgg]

Red Delicious Apples Weren't Always the Worst

Turns out the Red Delicious apple used to be...well...delicious. Here's what went wrong.

newengland.com

Someone just wrote an article about how terrible the have been since the forties, genetically engineered to be bad, because the thing that makes them red is the thing that makes them taste like shit.

 

[Udders]

He has the palate of a child. Granny Smith apples make for a better pie because they hold up when being baked. Red apples turn to mush and water.

Maddox (from circa-2000 internet fame) had the same manbaby take on apples. No coincidence they are both losers who never grew beyond a small burst of internet fame.

Maddox wrote some of the funniest shit I've ever read. Its a shame to see how the mighty have fallen.

 

[guest]

Spearmint gum is the superior gum and all the peppermint people are doing it wrong. I will see the peppermint Nazis hang for this crime. I'm a violent drunk with guns and the law needs to reflect all my opinions or else. Not a liberal, sweetie.

 

[stinks]

Early Maddox was actually funny. People tend to forget because now he looks like a soyboy who never gets any sleep because he's being cuckolded 24 hours a day, but in circa 2002 internet things like "Grading your children's artwork" were pretty great bits.

Then he decided that the world needed to see his face and hear his voice, and the veil of manliness came down...

its a shame no one can just ride into the sunset on top anymore.

 

[stinks]

If you’re not using a Granny Smith the acceptable replacement is a MacIntosh. Does Pig do things wrong on purpose just to sound like he knows something anyone else don’t?

where I come from “I know something y’all don’t know” usually gets your mouth shut for you, with a fist.

that place sounds very dangerous for patrick

 

[Phish]

He’ll probably garnish a slice of pie with an entire cinnamon stick

He garnishes a slice of pie with an entire other pie