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What does Mitch Hedberg and Norm McDonald have in common?

Single Action Army

We ain't goon hooligans we Maloonigans
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Any good Hedberg specials/bits? I only saw one bit of his and he seemed like a typical faux-intellectual comic up his own ass.
 

Phish

I told them to back off bcuz it wasnt their show
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39,516
I exhaled a little extra out my nose
-My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck's rly going on down there? Whos really the hero?

-Ive found that a ducks opinion of me if heavily influenced on whether i have bread on me

-Im sick of following my dreams. Im just gonna find out where theyre going and hook up with em later
 

Zeroman

Potential R* Screenshotter
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11,097
-My belt holds up my pants and my pants have belt loops that hold up the belt. What the fuck's rly going on down there? Whos really the hero?

-Ive found that a ducks opinion of me if heavily influenced on whether i have bread on me

-Im sick of following my dreams. Im just gonna find out where theyre going and hook up with em later
-I was listening to some heavy music, boy. My neighbor started banging on the wall so I said "GO AROUND"

Paraphrased, but that joke was specifically about Di Paolo.
 
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i went to a concert and the singer said “how many of you feel like people out there?” And then he said “how many of you feel like ANIMALS?” And everyone cheered. But I cheered after the first part, because I did not realize there was a second part to the question. Yes I do feel like a human. I do not feel like a chair.
 
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19,261
i went to a concert and the singer said “how many of you feel like people out there?” And then he said “how many of you feel like ANIMALS?” And everyone cheered. But I cheered after the first part, because I did not realize there was a second part to the question. Yes I do feel like a human. I do not feel like a chair.

It's "How many of you feel like human beings tonight?".

Hedberg is hit and miss, but I really like this one:

"I did not lose a leg in Vietnam so I could serve hotdogs to teenagers".

"You have both your legs..."

"Like I said, I did not lose a leg in Vietnam".
 
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