Operation: Penitentiary Pen Pals

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

I had a brainstorm, might be retarded and I don't feel like doing it, plus my handwriting has always been shit.

So nobody famous, even Z-List comic hacks wish to associate with us for fear of being "cancelled", but what if we tried to get some of the most infamous incarcerated criminals in on Patposting? Ted Kaczynski, Scott Peterson, David Berkowitz, James Holmes, Jodi Arias, Chris Watts, Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, Dennis Rader: tons of more domestic terrorists, mass shooters, and just straight up insane serial killers are probably bored as fuck and have nothing to lose because they're lifers. It's like a free cameo!

So find out where they're incarcerated, write them a nice letter asking if they'd like to be pen pals and kept up-to-date on the lunacy that is Patrick's life. Print out tweets, selfies, and just make it clear you want nothing except their analysis of this guy. Send the same template out to 20-25 criminals, wait patiently by the mailbox to see who writes back, and of course then post their responses to here and Kiwi Farms.

We don't forgive or excuse the atrocities these people have committed, it's merely an educational exercise to get a psychological evaluation of Patrick from some legitimate sociopaths. Patrick's so obsessed with the idea of "all Trump supporters are bad people", lord only knows how intensely he'd oink if the fuckin' Unabomber is giving his two cents on The Lappening or his double chins. Best yet I don't think anything would be illegal, just very upsetting to Piggy.

 

[RobertMewler]

That's hilarious. Say hi to Uncle Ted for me if you do.

This could be good with other convicts whose crimes match Petey's: Murder by smothering (farts), baby abandoners, etc.

 

[Gay Faggot.]

It wouldn’t be a good look but there’s some potential. Unabomber would be funny also Casey Anthony calling him fat and ugly would get a niggas ribs obliterated. We’re all too fat, lazy, and retarded though. We’d be more likely to contact Kuhn first.

 

[42069]

Yes

 

[TheGhostOfAbeVigoda]

Chris Watts: "at least my daughters knew their father"

 

[SensibleKeks]

We really need to reach out to "Killer" Chris Kuhn. He's missed a lot since that incident with his kid, whatever happened there. When he gets out, he'll probably wonder where the subreddit went. Someone has to point out where we all landed. He's got a lot of catching up to do.

 

[Mitch Weaver]

I wanna bunk with Mark David Chapman, seems like a good egg.

 

[FezFuckedBabyLove]

they will not give a fuck, especially not ted k. They will throw this shit in the trash without reading it. My boy T Mac might though

 

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

It wouldn’t be a good look but there’s some potential. Unabomber would be funny also Casey Anthony calling him fat and ugly would get a niggas ribs obliterated. We’re all too fat, lazy, and retarded though. We’d be more likely to contact Kuhn first.

The bit is how bad of a look it would be, plus there's precedent because O&A interviewed Bernie Goetz.

I'm sure 90% of the fanmail these criminals get is fan mail and love letters from damaged people. We're not supporting them, not praising them, we don't want to discuss their crimes or Mindhunter them because this isn't about them, this is about the soap opera that is Patrick's life. Again, bunch of criminals will just ignore them, but you gotta take a shot to score a goal.

I'm just giggling over the thought of Patrick trying to build a narrative around his criminal cyberstlakers discussing him with the BTK Killer.

 

[Cyberatorquer]

Kuhn is a political prisoner, so all communications are subject to surveillance and seizure.

And once we're all in jail for calling a person fat on a private website, we better figure out ourselves how to patpost with each other via kites and letters.

 

[Jim Norton’s Wife's Cock]

Personally i am against the idea, i don’t think having da forums associated with “people” like that would be beneficial.

However, if we do.. couldn’t one of the Canadian brothermen get in touch with Robert Pickton so da bits at least consistent.

 

[CanISitOnJonsLap]

they will not give a fuck, especially not ted k. They will throw this shit in the trash without reading it. My boy T Mac might though

The OJ's, Amanda Knox's and anyone else who isn't imprisoned would 100% ignore us. But there's so many notorious people serving life sentences, just sitting bored in a jail cell day after day after day. I mean Uncle Ted is basically a crazy rambling boomer like BroJoe & Covidcumia and that Supermax Colorado prison he's in doesn't allow him a cushy Em City social life.

If he does throw it out without reading it, oh well, wasted a postage stamp.

 

[Will Tate]

Kuhn is a political prisoner, so all communications are subject to surveillance and seizure.

And once we're all in jail for calling a person fat on a private website, we better figure out ourselves how to patpost with each other via kites and letters.

I'm gonna be like the Bird Man of Alcatraz, writing "Pat's a fat fag daughter-abandoner" on a little slip of paper and tying it to the leg of a carrier pigeon.

 

[Mitch Weaver]

Wait you niggas are serious ?

 

[YourOldPalHoward]

Imagine thinking notorious anti-tech luddite Ted Kaczynski would give a shit about some guy on Twitter and other extremely online bullshit. This is probably the dumbest thing ever posted on this forum.

 

[DeadWithoutMyDavid]

I don't know if I'm comfortable inviting mail from the Unabomber.

 

[guest]

Seems like a lot of effort although I do like the idea of catching Kuhn up on everything. He got sentenced about 2 weeks before the Rick saga began.

 

[Easily_Remembered]

Where we at with, uh... with the fawkin Ramirez Brothers?

 

[CarolMaxheinie]

We really need to reach out to "Killer" Chris Kuhn. He's missed a lot since that incident with his kid, whatever happened there. When he gets out, he'll probably wonder where the subreddit went. Someone has to point out where we all landed. He's got a lot of catching up to do.

I wrote to Kuhn a few months back. He didn’t write back.

 

[Phish]

Mass murderer Alex Minassian would probably respond. He was an incel forums regular and /pol sperg. Just tell him how Pig is a StealthyChad