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Jim Norton Obituary

Sue Lightning

<-- Never heard of Spankbang
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James “Jim” Joseph Norton passed away this Wednesday at the age of 54 after a long hidden battle with HIV. An everyday funnyman with a penchant for raunchy toetrigger humor, he starred in an HBO comedy special and crafted a comedy career based on his traumatic past. A struggling but recovering alcoholic for 40 years, he spent most of his time giving advice to people on sobriety efforts and attending meetings. Known for his love of Ozzy Osbourne and celebrity photographs, Nortons Manhattan apartment lined hundreds of framed signed pictures. Norton gained fame through his role as a third mic on some New York radio show. He is most famous for the cutting edge “Jim and Sam Show”, of which he was a driving force. He is survived by his mother, father, and sister, who wished not to be named, and his boyfriend, who goes by the name Prince Allen. His friends offered some brief condolences and a remembrance of his warm spirit:


That little fawwwkin worm could never do a radio show….HOW DOES THAT FEEL????”
-Gregg “Opie” “Nigger” Hughes

“Heheheheee euhhhh….life uhh. Life goes on. I don’t want to be sad about it.”
-Anthony Cumia

“Duddeeeee whatddya gonna do dude”
-Bob “Profoundly Obese” Kelly

“Who?”
-Colin Quinn

“Dude you know he was a fucking real guy he told like it was man.”
-Bill “Blacked” Burr

“Havavahdhsv shshrv dhd d”
-Ozzy Osbourne

“I’m getting tokens for responding to this right?”
-Princess Alena

“I’m glad he’s gone. He’s a bag of fucking meat. Nobody would shed a tear if he’s gone. Load him up in a pickup and dump him in the mud. No coffin- Just mud.”
-Louis C.K.
Other celebrities who associated themselves with Norton such as DL Hughley declined to comment. The funeral will be held on Friday. The time and location is being withheld to the public, but keeping in James’ traditional Rockstar lifestyle, he left one request in his burial which is to be fulfilled on that day.

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Nice life stupid.
 
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